Everybody poops. It’s not just the title of an awkward children’s book. It’s a fact of life. And if you’ve ever sent your players into a sewer on a dungeon dive, there’s a fair chance they’ve encountered at least a little feces on the way. The question that arises, of course, is “why aren’t there more poop monsters?”
The obvious answer is that most people have the good taste to not want them. Not us though! If there’s one thing we strive to do, it’s to provide you with the best and most unique monsters on the interwebs, good taste or no. I think it’s safe to say that we’ve done exactly that with the Waste Slime.
A pay-what-you-want, OGL compatible PDF for the Waste Slime can be found at DriveThruRPG. You can also support our Weekly Beasties by giving to our Patreon page. The Beastie itself can be found below:
Medium ooze,undead, unaligned
Armor Class 10 natural armor
Hit Points 55 (6d10 + 12)
Speed 15 ft.
STR 16 (+3) DEX 4 (-3) CON 16 (+3) INT 4 (-3) WIS 6 (-2) CHA 1 (-5)
Damage Vulnerabilities fire
Damage Resistances necrotic, bludgeoning, slashing, piercing
Condition Immunities blinded, charmed, deafened, exhaustion, frightened, prone
Senses blindsight 30 ft. (blind beyond this radius), passive Perception 8
Challenge 3 (700 XP)
Regenerative Filth. When the Waste Slime is in physical contact with other fecal matter, it regains 1d4 Hit Points each round.
Disease. Fecal matter is often home to dangerous and deadly bacteria. If the Waste Slime succeeds in a Suffocate attack, the targeted PC should perform a Constitution DC. If they fail to roll a 12 or higher, they contract a disease from the provided chart. The GM can select the disease with a D4 dice roll.
Pseudopod. Melee Weapon Attack: +3 to hit, reach 5ft, one target. Hit: 2d6+3, bludgeoning damage.
Suffocate. The Waste Slime performs a grapple DC on a targeted PC. If it succeeds, the PC’s mouth and nose are covered and they can no longer breathe. The PC will begin to drown if they can’t free themselves from the Slime’s grip in time.
Excrement and waste aren’t just disgusting, they’re also a vessel of death. While most tend to forget it, feces is just the end product of people and animals eating things that were once alive. And when a necromancer forgets? The results can be unexpected and dire. Born from the residue of powerful necromantic spells, the Waste Slime is an undead pile of filth driven to kill by a hunger that it can’t understand and never satisfy. Unable to eat the flesh of the living, it will nonetheless kill anyone who slips within its reeking grasp.
Waste slimes arise from horrid sewers, latrines, and befouled wells. While less common, waste slimes can also arise from stagnant bogs, marshes, or ponds.
All of these diseases can be cured by a Cleric trained with the appropriate healing spells.
Brown Rot. Two days after contraction, the infected PC will notice a brown, itching spot on one of their limbs. If left untreated for three more days, the brown spot will grow in size and the affected flesh will begin to slough away. The PC will also take a -2 penalty to their Constitution after this point. The PC will then have two more days to seek treatment, after which the affected limb will rot away completely. If the PC still ignores the disease and allows it to progress to day 10, the rot will spread to all of their bones and agonizingly kill them over another 7 days.
Crimson Pores. Three days after the PC contracts this disease, they’ll notice a squishy feeling while walking. If they take off their shoes, they’ll discover that they’ve been bleeding from the soles of their feet. For every day following, the bleeding will rise six inches up their body until they’re slowly bleeding from every inch of their flesh. In addition, the PC will take stacking -1 Constitution penalties for each day the disease climbs their body. When their Constitution reaches 0, they die.
Bursting Eyes. For one week following the contraction of this disease, the PC won’t notice any negative effects. After that week has passed however, the GM should tell them that their eyes feel itchy. For three days following, the irritation will grow more severe until their eyes appear completely bloodshot to outsiders. At this point, the PC will suffer Disadvantage on all vision-based rolls. If they allow the disease to continue for four more days after this (two weeks total), their eyes will slowly flood with pus until they finally pop, causing permanent blindness.
Frozen Fingers. Three days after the contraction of this disease, the infected PC will feel a stiffness in the joint of one of their fingers (roll a D10 to determine which one). By the end of the day, the joint will become black and the finger stiff as a stone. For each day following until the PC receives treatment, an additional finger will suffer similarly. On the eleventh day after these symptoms begin, if the PC still has not been cured, their fingers will become permanently withered. After this happens, the illness will resolve on its own. The PC suffers a permanent -1 Dexterity modifier penalty for every two fingers ruined by this illness.